Self Energy - The Man, The Myth, The Legend
A Deeper Look at Self Energy in Internal Family Systems
What on earth is “Self Energy?”
I get these questions in therapy all the time when I talk about this topic - “What is it? How do we know when we're in self energy? How do I know I’m doing it right? How does it work?” So first today, we're gonna talk about how to identify self energy in yourself, or somebody else, then the 8 CS of self energy, and then what self energy does for us in therapy. Let's call each section - the man, the myth, the legend of self energy.
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Self Energy
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The Man,
The Myth,
The Legend
: Self Energy : The Man, The Myth, The Legend
The (wo)man.
So when you think about self energy, try picturing a family member that is your favorite, coolest, best family member. The one that you just love to be with and you are willing to tolerate the shit show of family gatherings to be with this one person. They are a good listener, kind, hilarious, and you wait all year to see them. So for me, I like to think of my aunties.
I have been blessed with multiple aunts in my life. I have so many amazing aunts - great aunts, aunts, step aunts, technically mom’s best friend aunt, technically grandma’s best friend aunt, all of ‘em. And most of them are/were educators, which means that when I would get there in the holiday time, they would be the ones that would sit and listen to me and to my stories for hours. They asked me questions, like they wanted to hear about my life and actually cared what my answers were. These women are and were phenomenal. I come from very good stock, seriously.
This auntie was the one that was always so clear, and it felt like she would know things about me that I knew about myself, but I didn't know how to articulate quite yet. She’s the one who actually helped me identify that maybe I could be a therapist one day.
All of them would say to me as a kid, “You're actually a really good listener, Meg. You're actually a really kind girl, Meg. You're going to be really good at this one day, Meg,” and something they were able to see these things for me, but I wasn't able to see them about myself, yet. These women embodied and exude(d) self energy.
The Myth
And that leads me into the next topic, which is the myth. And so with self energy, we're talking a lot about the 8 C’s of self. Dr Schwartz, the creator of ifs, says you'll know you're in self energy when you have these 8 attributes or characteristics.
And he says that self energy has 8 C’s - Curiosity, Compassion, Calm, Clarity, Courage, Confidence, Creativity, and Connectedness. I would also like to add these - content, collaborative, clean, cozy, and considerate. My connected would also be more specific, like connected to the environment and mankind, like the Lorax. Self energy feels like a really good deep breath. It feels like you're coming home to yourself.
It feels like a truth that you've always known, but couldn't articulate before, and it also feels like you are perfectly capable to handle anything that comes your way. Self energy is what helps us know what's true, and what's not. It helps us to know.
Self Energy helps us to actually see and feel, “This is obviously what's true, this is obviously something that someone's been trying to get me to believe.” And when you're standing in self energy, it's almost like a magnet and all the other things that are no longer necessary kind of like, repel away from you.
It feels like you're pouring water over something, and it's cleaning it perfectly like you're getting a stain out. And that stain would be Pain that no longer serves you, so you get to keep the original thing that you love so dearly that you value so much like a piece of clothing and then it just takes that tomato stain right out, and it's simply what was always meant to be originally.
The Legend
Self energy is the healing energy of therapy, and it's easiest (for me) to imagine it as the force.
So like how we see in The Star Wars films, self energy is a tool as well as a type of entity. It’s an energy the jedi’s can channel when they need help, except with self everyone can access it whenever they want to.
Just like in Star Wars, you can even heal with the force. We see this in one of the movies, when Rey heals an animal. The force is actually a very healing component, and so is self energy.
In fact, any time that a person heals during trauma therapy, it is because they're embodying their own self energy.
It's not because of anything that therapist does, and it's also not because the client tried so hard, it's because they finally went into a space where they were allowed to love themselves and see what's true about themselves. And I call this the legend to piece because it's so close to faith for many, many people, but it doesn't rely on a religion.
Summary:
Self Energy is an energy that show’s what’s true and is healing for us.
We know we’re in touch with self energy and experiencing it when we are able to embody the 8C’s of self. Each person has access to it any time they want, they just have to drop into it. If you ever have a hard time picturing it, imagine a person you love dearly, and the sense of peace and love you have towards them is often how it feels. It's probably the most Woo-woo feeling part of my practice. And I love every minute of it!
Martha Beck talks about dropping into oneness, and I think that's the closest description to it. Self feels like you’ve got a sense of love and peace with all of creation at the same time, and it’s what heals us inside and out.
So those were my thoughts on self energy. Let me know if you have any questions, I'd love to hear them.
Or, let me know - do you have a favorite family member or star wars character who you feel like shows self energy? I’d love to hear it! I’ll read each one and respond personally!
